Hawk's Conscience

The world in which we play is often harsh & cold. We do whatever it takes to survive, but loss can be hard to overcome. One major lesson we've learned is that those we trust, those we love... they may go on before us, they never really leave us behind.


Hawk's Conscience
Post #28,562 - May 2009

Hawk paced the deserted camp--the mess hall, the parade area near the twisted remnants of the gate, a pile of rubble that was once a guardhouse.

It was here, Sis, we last talked. It seems so long ago. What would you say now, with all that has occurred? Bishop's death, Creed alive, the final battle against the AKs. The last time we were here, it snowed.

Words formed of themselves in the back of Hawk's brain. They were not her words, and the voice was just a memory in her heart.

[Snow made me restless, like I was forgetting something.]

"You were always restless. I wish you were here, Chyna."

[I've always been here, Hawk. I never left you.]

A flicker at the edge of Hawk's sight, maybe just a night bird following prey. "Sis?" She sighed and then shook her head. "Maybe I am starting to lose it."

[You were always the practical one. See a problem, fix it, move on. Why haven't you moved on, Hawk? Why are we here?]

Hawk looked out into darkness. "I thought I had. Mated, a babe, healing... but the path always brings me back here."

[Sounds like unfinished business to me. That's not like you.]

"Being in the city at all is not like me. Now it's worse. Death to the city if my death doesn't occur?" That was what Joker had promised.

[You always said you weren't a leader, Hawk, but you always seem to wind up taking responsibility. How did that happen?]

"Because I remembered. The training, my purpose. A guardian is not a leader but a caretaker. With Jean's death, the River Rats chose me."

[You never liked to face death. You took each one personally. That's not being a caretaker. It's acting like an owner. You can't own people, can't take their choices from them.]

"Nor would I, but they need to have real choices. This Joker has given them the choice of killing me, staying in the city and dying, or leaving in the middle of a drought. According to Joker, I am the evil monster. He is the good guy trying to help."

[Are you a monster?]

The question startled Hawk with its brutal simplicity. She closed her eyes. "You never saw, Chyna. Never witnessed the full-out berserker I could become."

The wind stirred the trees. Somewhere a wolf howled. From the distant city, now and then a voice drifted across the field.

[You were never the monster. Never the freak. That was me.]

"You were no freak. You were normal, Sister. I was the one who was scarred."

[You never saw the scars I hid inside, Hawk. Love lost. Life shattered. Hope gone. All before you and I ever met. Your scars are clean, earned in exchange for lives saved. You only knew Chyna that the Virus created. You are so alive. Life is precious to you. When I killed, I was an executioner. When you killed... you mourned. Who is the monster?]

The breeze tickled Hawk's cheek, tossing strands of hair into her eyes. Playful. Gentle.

[It doesn't matter. We're all kids. The Virus was the last monster. Remember the last thing I said to you?]

Hawk remembered. "When this battle comes, don't worry about trying to watch my back--focus on your own. And stay alive. Stay alive."

[You've lived so long for other people, the way you guarded the River Rats for me. People don't love monsters. You have always been loved.]

"Aye. Creed... I have loved."

[If you love, there is no monster. Have faith in love until you die from it. Stay alive, sister of the sword. Stay alive.]

Hawk looked puzzled by revelation. "Not a monster. Of the wild, but still human?"

[Just a girl. Surviving. Forget the past, Hawk. If anyone calls you monster, do what you have to do. You won't prove them right or wrong. Don't judge, but don't be judged either.]

Hawk chuckled. "Just a girl. You're the only one to call me that."

Another voice came out of the darkness. "You've been in the woods too long, Hawk, if you're out here talking to yourself. Either that or the heat's gettin' to you." Aeryn came farther into the open. "Is this a private party or can anybody play?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-Chyna

Photo Source: copyright Cloud-9 "The Tribe"