Just me

From time to time, "Chyna's Closet" holds more than just bits 'n pieces from KTDARPG. Some bits are more personal. That's when I'll give a Disclaimer. Hey, my blog...i'm entitled to indulge now 'n then, yeah? If you're reading because of your interest in the game, you might wanna pass this one.

Cold light of day

Negotiator. Peacemaker. Good Daughter. The one you generally count on to give a damn. Yeah, that's me. No doubts.

Until I took a step back. Somebody stashed the doubts behind the door. I kinda tripped over 'em. Tripped 'n fell back into that big empty I've kept around for years.

So...this is your life. How does it feel? Pretty shitty but familiar. I let it happen. Encouraged it. Was proud of it. Life goes on. (god i hate that phrase)

Turn up the music. "Don't Stop Believin' " - "Separate Ways" - "Faithfully" - "Open Arms" - "Who's Cryin' Now"

Epiphany-girl

3 days flat on my back with the flu. No work. No phone. No comp. No distractions. No excuses. Just staring into the empty, seeing what I let it do to me.

Existing as half of a not-meant-to-be Whole. Didn't know I was such a masochist, embracing pain just to feel something. Winding up totally numb. Using distance as camo & shield. Proud of that too.

But. I. Didn't. Die.

Letting go

Hamster + cage + treadmill = stupid shit. Yeah, I'm such a grown-up.

Time to take out the trash. [cobwebs...dusty smiles...time come 'n gone 'n can't come back again. There is no wheel of time. Time is linear. The past is ashes. I'm so damn tired of tasting them.]

These past few months I've felt threads pulling. Lovers & friends who care enough to ask questions, to listen. Friends who care, who worry. They matter to me. They make me feel like I matter. I want that. Guess I had to want it more than I wanted pain.

I changed the music.
I can change the rest.

(And to my Friend whose question started me down this road, thank you. I thought it was buried. Turns out I was the one who was buried. Not good.)